Why the Search for Happiness Never Actually Leads To Happiness

And what we really should focus on instead.

Dec 22, 2023

We are less than a week away from Christmas.

I’ve been back in Canada for just over a week now. It’s been really nice being home; the snow is beautiful, but Canada is way colder than I remember, lol.

Despite being here just over a week, I have experienced the Canadian winter in all its glory. Power outages, freezing temperatures, snow, freezing rain, black ice, and copious amounts of plain ol’ regular rain!

Highlights have been seeing some of my old friends and teammates, spending time with my grandmother, and being back in my house.

I love my house so much. I love settling in. It’s kinda like my HQ. When I get to be back here, I like to think about how much I’ve grown since the last time I was here. It’s a good point to check in with myself.

Where will you be this Christmas? I’d love to know!

Now, let’s get onto this week’s thought:

“Why searching for happiness is the wrong way to go about trying to be happier.”

When people want to be happy, they understandably look for happiness. It’s a logical way to go about getting to your goal of being happy. The only problem with that is if you are searching for happiness, that means you are relying on it to come from outside of yourself.

If you are searching that means you are waiting for something to trigger your happiness, maybe retail therapy, maybe a compliment, it could be a myriad of things but…You are waiting.

If a lot of your happiness is coming through like that, that means you have no control over what your state is like.

You carry the passport to your own happiness - Diane Von Frustenberg

For me, there are 2 parts to creating your own happiness:

Focusing on joy and gratitude.

Gratitude

I see this so often, unhappy people are unhappy because they don’t feel like they have anything to be happy about.

But, when you don’t feel like you have anything to be happy about, that’s when people go outside of themselves, and look for something external to make them happy. That’s why you need to identify what you have in your life that you are grateful for.

If you think it’s hard to do, I want you to remember all the dreams you’ve had for yourself and already achieved. Focus on that, and watch yourself become super grateful.

Doing the above also helps with the manifestation of the vibrational law of neutrality which is a very interesting way of being. You can watch a reel from one of my fav manifestation Instagrammers, here.

Focusing on the Micro-joys

Now, the second part.

What do I mean by micro-joys?

Joy, in addition to being an emotion, is a powerful and transformative way to go through life.

The way I see it, when you have a joyous outlook on life, things become better. When you are in the present moment, looking at your world through the lenses of joy, that’s when you become happy.

When you go through life like that, your appreciation and gratitude for everything you have in your life grows. Micro-joys are all about noticing the little things. In Cyndie Spiegel’s book Micro-joys, she gives these as examples of micro-joys:

“Micro-joys are the hidden wisdom, long-ago memories, subtle treasures, and ordinary delights that surround us: A polka-dot glass on a thrift store shelf. A dear friend’s kindness at just the right time. The neighbourhood spice shop. A beloved family tradition. The simple quietude of being in love. A cherished chai recipe.

Another angle to look at it from:

We all have those people in our lives who are just like a beacon of light, and those people are not focused on trying to find happiness. They are present in the moment so they can notice the little, beautiful things. The little moments of joy sprinkled into their everyday lives. They see the best in things. The way their mind is wired is to see the best in what’s in front of them.

You can even find joy in the darkest moments. The way I see it, some of the most beautiful things happen in the darkest times. Think constellations. They only appear in the darkness, yet it is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Same thing with northern lights. No matter what you go through, if you are wired for joy, you can be happy.